Inspirit Personal Growth

Learning to free yourself from bad habits starts with the realization that we cause our own feelings. The moment you grasp that simple fact, you will be ready to step into the process of self-change that will lead to freedom from the habits that keep you from living a more satisfying life.  We have to discard the factors, the people, and the situations that shaped us, and stop blaming those people or things that happened in the past.  Focusing on the past won’t help us solve today. At some point we have to take responsibility for our own lives

You can’t eliminate the whole thing in one day, but if you take a step-by-step approach, you can eliminate the bad habit sooner than you thought possible. It is going to take effort on your part.

 In this article we look at the first three (of six) stages in the process of successful self-change:

 1.  Denial –  The vast majority of people whose health, happiness, or relationships are being threatened by a self-destructive habit spend months, if not years, in a stage where they deny the seriousness of the problem.  

 People in this stage share the following characteristics:

 They refuse to admit that they have a serious problem.

• They resist change and usually become aggressive if confronted about the need to change.
• They have a general sense of hopelessness, no matter how busy their lives seem to be on the surface.
• They are so stubborn in their unconscious need to defend their bad habits that they will refuse help even when their lives depend on it. 

 Many people who have self-destructive habits also suffer from feelings of distress. Research suggests that up to 50% of drug users have some form of depression. Misery loves company: We tend to form relationships with people who have our bad habit.

 By spending time in a bar, people can convince themselves that it’s the normal way to unwind after a stressful day, since there are so many other people in the bar doing the same thing. Research shows that clinically obese people are less likely to lose weight when they live with other clinically obese people.

 2.  Awareness  -  People in this stage know they have a problem and want to understand their problem, but they don’t know what to do or they feel powerless to change. People in stage 2 are still far from making a commitment to change.

 Many people get stuck in this stage. They spend years telling themselves that they are going to change “one day.”

Fear of failure keeps many people stuck in this stage. They hide from the truth by telling themselves that they’re waiting for the “perfect” weight-loss program, the perfect smoking-cessation program, or the perfect time to stop drinking.  

 “I’ll change when the time is right,” is one of the phrases you hear most often from people in this stage of the self-change cycle. There will never be a “right time,” of course, but they haven’t been able to break out of their verbal cage.

 Some people in this stage are never able to make a serious commitment to change, even though their life depends on it. We are all familiar with the day-to-day experiences and struggles of ordinary people who are stuck in this stage.

 3.  Preparation  -  There are no easy or simple solutions on the path to deep and lasting change.   In this stage, you work on making change your No. 1 priority. Your life will go in the direction of your most dominant thoughts. When you focus on the past, your thoughts hold you back by causing you to relive events over and over.

 As soon as you’ve decided to change, it’s time to schedule your Decision Day. Set a date and announce your intention to take action: “I will stop smoking on the first of the month.” Put your commitment in writing.   One of the keys to successful self-change is to develop your own plan. If you believe the program will work, you have a better chance of making it work.

 A key to success in this stage is reevaluating your life. The greatest motivator is a vision of what your life will be like when you break your bad habit.  The best way to do this is to write a personal mission statement. Make a list of the benefits of changing. How does each of these benefits help you achieve your goals in life? 

 It is usually also necessary to change your lifestyle. This won’t happen overnight – it happens one day at a time, as soon as you begin to focus on the solution instead of the problem. The process of total lifestyle change starts when you begin to think more about the present than the past.   Another way to free yourself from any bad habit is to replace your old behavior with a more healthy and active lifestyle, such as committing to an exercise program.

Don’t be surprised if you’re not completely sure that you’re ready to break your habit at this stage.  Forcing yourself to quit before you’re mentally and emotionally prepared to change usually backfires. In this stage, you’re getting ready to quit.

 The next three stages will be discussed in my next article, or you can go to my website below to claim your free 36-page ebook – How to Break Bad Habits.